Grindr Blog

The following interview was conducted by pop-culture poster boy, freelance blogger, and executive editor of Gunpowder & Gold Alexander Mayfair. It originally appeared on Washington, D.C.-based online magazine Brightest Young Gays.

I shift awkwardly on my bar stool.

“What do you call a bear that does drag? A brag?” Migs looks me straight in the eyes and erupts into a hearty roar of laughter. At this point, I decide I probably shouldn’t tell him that I googled “female bear” in an attempt to answer my own question on the way over here. It’s seven in the evening, and I am sipping on a Jack and Ginger at The Eagle — perhaps the last place on earth I’d ever imagine myself on a Monday. I’ve only been here 15 minutes, but if it weren’t for Migs, I don’t know if I would have lasted this long.

In fact, walking up to the bar, it wasn’t apparent that it was even open until I pulled the handle. As I entered, it was like walking onto a movie set. Every single guy at the bar slowly turned around and gave me the once-over. Between my gray skinny jeans and my cute vintage messenger bag, it was, and still is, painfully clear that I am not a regular at this bear den. I tried to walk in as nonchalantly as possible but felt an incredible sense of relief the second I spotted Migs at the other end of the bar.

After a couple minutes of small talk, I buy us a round and head over to the only table in sight. I drag over a bar stool and set up shop. My computer turns on and I immediately dim the screen. Damn, in this somber setting, it seems move like a spotlight than a computer!

The following interview was conducted by pop-culture poster boy, freelance blogger, and executive editor of Gunpowder & Gold Alexander Mayfair. It originally appeared on Washington, D.C.-based online magazine Brightest Young Gays.

“Where should we go to brunch?” I keep shuffling across my roommate’s floor and throwing myself onto her futon. “What kind of brunch do you want?” I croak.

She almost seems offended by the question. Oh, that’s right — her girlfriends are in town from North Carolina this weekend; bottomless brunch cocktails are clearly the priority.

I close my eyes and try to think of options. A block away from 17th and R and seriously sleep deprived, the only thing my mind keeps coming up with is Level One. She likes the idea, and I offer to make a reservation for her. Luck is on her side: There’s tons of walk-in space.

Within 10 minutes, all four girls are seated at a table inside. And, within an hour, seven men and three tables have been added to the mix. Several pitchers of Mimosas and several Bloody Marys later, I realize the goldmine I’m sitting on … well, in. I whip my phone out and log on.

Chest, abs, chest and abs … I pick the first face I see. I ask him if he’s familiar with Brightest Young Things. Then, I ask him if he’s familiar with Grindrphiles. Emboldened with liquid courage, I grab my glass and make my way over to the bar after spotting him. We chat, we laugh, we make plans for a Monday night interview at Jack Rose in Adams Morgan.

Two days later, we meet promptly at 8 p.m. We get settled in at the bar, and I take a sip of my Jack and Ginger as we dive into the interview:

Alexander: So, if you were stuck on a desert island and you could only have one cocktail for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Mcdoogleton: The same cocktail I drink wherever I go: a bourbon and diet. Because if I had my bourbon and diet, I’d never feel alone [laughs]. I mean, it’s kind of true, and it doesn’t even matter what kind of bourbon. It can even be rye.

Alexander: I’m starting to see why you picked this place. Outside of drinks, what does your ideal Saturday night look like?

Mcdoogleton: Well, I generally work Saturday nights ’cause I bartend. There are two of us, and I’m cut first because I open and the other one closes. So I’d like to leave exactly at 9 p.m. and either meet up with some friends next door at a different bar, have plans to go to a house party, or meet up with some friends downtown. If I have the Saturday off, I’m generally going to offer to cook at someone’s house so everyone has a full belly before we go out for a night of drinking.

Alexander: I’m sure your friends love that. Now if I say dance icon, you would say …

Mcdoogleton: I would say Bob Fosse and Micheal Jackson. The reason that I consider them icons is because they both started with being classically trained and decided they wanted to be greater than that. They progressed the art of dance into new genres, which became completely stylistic and mimicked. People can say, “Oh, you’re doing a Fosse move,” or “Oh, you’re doing a Michael Jackson move.” I think that’s something completely respectable. To be able to move your body in a way that someone can say, “Oh, you’re doing that like him,” or “Oh, you’re doing that like her,” is definitely an art form. For example, Beyonce Knowles did a Fosse routine for “Single Ladies.”

Alexander: She actually also did an MJ one in “Bootylicious,” back in the days of Destiny’s Child. What about dating, though? What would you say is your top tip?

Mcdoogleton: It would be to know who your friends are and to know who your romantic interests are. You might get confused if someone is romantically interesting to you. They may be aesthetically pleasing and a charming person but turn out to be a great friend. Friends stick around when a relationship might fail. Knowing whether or not it’s appropriate to bridge that gap of friendship or relationship is a good thing to understand before you make a decision. You might end up losing a really awesome friend in the process of dating and breaking up, or you might have let a potential mate slip away thinking they’re just a friend.

Alexander: What about your most awkward first date?

Mcdoogleton: [Starts cackling] I’m laughing because I read Jamesson’s interview. My most awkward first date was, in fact, not a first date. I was in a mood where I wanted to go out by myself, and I went to a gay bar I don’t usually go to. I struck up a great conversation with a bartender and hung out with him all night. At the end of the night, we decided to swap numbers. I waited the standard five days, and asked him if he wanted to meet up for drinks the following week. [Ed. note: standard 5 days? That's just cruel.]

We met up and ended up having a great time. About an hour passed, and a really hot girl walked by, and he checked her out. I saw the look and asked, “Oh, you’re into chicks too?”

“Too?”

“You’re not gay?”

“No! I thought … oh, we didn’t talk about that, did we?”

“No, we didn’t. So we’re not on a date now, are we?”

“No.”

“Well, guess who’s paying for their half now. I was going to pay for all of this until you told me we weren’t on a date.”

We’re still friends. It was an awkward moment, but nothing that four shots of Jameson — two each — fixed.

Alexander: Wow, that’s hilarious. I feel awkward after just listening to that. At least you guys have a great story! OK, moving on, what if you were president? What’s the first law you would pass?

Mcdoogleton: I would make it legal to smoke marijuana. I would do that because, first off, I think marijuana is pretty harmless. I think that the laws regulating it are completely archaic. It poses a lot less of a health risk than cigarettes or alcohol do. Not to mention the amount of tax you could generate from legalizing marijuana could do a lot for this country, especially when we’re so much in debt.

Alexander: What if you won the lottery? What’s the first thing you’d buy?

Mcdoogleton: The first thing I would buy is [financial services firm] J.G. Wentworth’s structured annuity and take the lump sum [bursts into giggles] … ’cause I want my money now! Once I got my lump sum, the first thing I would buy would be a diversified portfolio in the stock market to ensure that the money would never be pissed away. I’m assuming your question is more along the lines of what tangible thing I would purchase, though. Once I ensured that my money was safe for a good long time and for future generations of my family, I would buy a home on each coast of the United States, an island home, and a home somewhere in Western Europe.

Alexander: Yes, please! I’ll have one of each, thank you. Now international villas aside, who would you say is your greatest inspiration?

Mcdoogleton: I would say my friend Nicole. I look up to her a lot. We’ve known each other for 11 years. I’ve never known anyone that long in my life that I’ve continually kept in touch with. I look up to her because we both went through some really tough times together. Even though she’s been faced with personal adversity, she’s followed her passion, and she’s a year and a half away from getting her doctorate in psychology. I can’t wait to call her Dr. Wagner, which we discussed at her celebration upon her acceptance into grad school. We asked if we were going to have to start calling her Dr. Wagner, and she said, “Don’t be ridiculous! You can just call me ‘Doctor.’”

Alexander: Impressive, for sure. What about vacation? Where is your ideal vacation location?

Mcdoogleton: I really want to go to the Galapagos or Madagascar. I really just want to go to an island or location that has an ecosystem that is specific to itself, like Australia or New Zealand. The idea that there is life — be it plant, animal, or people — that is completely indigenous and completely all its own is very intriguing to me. I think I would have to go with the Galapagos, though, because it’s so fascinating to me.

Alexander: So what about reading? What was your last good read?

Mcdoogleton: “Good read,” to me, means something that I could engross myself in for more than a day or two. When I do read, it’s got to be an escape, so that means fantasy. I love the “Harry Potter” series, “Lord of the Rings,” and “The Golden Compass.” I tried to get into “The Wheel of Time,” but it just got too complicated. I would say any series based in fantasy or science fiction. I loved the “Dune” series — read all of those as well. It’s been more a means of escapism for me, a place where I don’t have to think about the things that are real but about things that someone else has created and what they look like in my head. So to definitively answer your question, the last one I read was “The Golden Compass.”

***

Impressed, I went home that night and attempted to delve into a new book. After all, I couldn’t remember the last time I had read something that didn’t come in the form of a newspaper or off of a computer screen. I was passed out, mouth open, after page two, but thanks to Mcdoogleton, I have a renewed interest in diversifying my reading — as well as learning more about the Galapagos. And bourbon.

Check out the latest installment of Grindrphiles over at Brightest Young Gays.

This spring, Grindr’s trying to do a little something to benefit the gay community. So we’re getting involved with three big AIDS Walks this year: AIDS Walk New York (May 20), The California Music Festival and AIDS Walk in Los Angeles (also May 20), and AIDS Walk San Francisco (July 15). We’ve partnered with each of the walks’ organizers to raise money for AIDS service groups in each region. In LA, we’re joining forces to get donations and do the walk with local gay health and HIV prevention organization Impulse Group.

But we can’t make nearly as big of a difference by ourselves as we could with your help. There are two ways you can contribute: a) Donate $60 to join one of our teams, help us raise money, and do the walk with us; or b) simply make a donation in any denomination.

If you pledge $60 to the LA team, you’ll not only get to do the walk with Impulse and Grindr but you’ll also get to attend a pre-walk champagne meet-and-greet; enjoy complimentary food and drinks along the way; and get VIP access to a special reception during the concert.

If your loyalties lie with the Big Apple, join the team or contribute here. If you’re partial to the City of Angels, join us or donate here. (Scroll down and click “Join Team” in the box if you want to register to walk.) If you’re a Bay Area enthusiast, register or contribute here.

If you want to go the super-convenient, extra-easy route, you can just text “Grindr” to 20222 to directly donate $10 to the LA AIDS Walk.

No matter where you are, you can definitely contribute to the cause. So spread the word, join our team, or donate today!

The following interview was conducted by pop-culture poster boy, freelance blogger, and executive editor of Gunpowder & Gold Alexander Mayfair. It originally appeared on Washington, D.C.-based online magazine Brightest Young Gays.

I knock of the door of suite 6100. Is that a child? It’s too late, though — my knuckles have already made the audible rasp against the door. I panic. What am I going to do?! The people in this room are clearly not who I thought they were. Trapped in this very awkward dilemma, we do the only thing two mature adults would do in this situation … we make a run for it and fly down the hallway as fast as our skinny jeans will take us.

We turn the corner and collapse on a low couch, trying to be as quiet as possible. I wait a couple seconds and then peer around the corner — no sign of life.

“They totally told us suite 6100!” I whisper-grunt. “Maybe there’s more than one 6100 in the hotel.” I’m about to give him the death look when it hits me: All I really know about the Washington Hilton is that Reagan and “Top Chef” were both shot here.

“Um … what are you guys doing?” Two of our friends are staring down at us slumped on the couch, their arms full from a liquor store run, standing in the open elevator doors. Turns out it was the right room, just with some unexpected — yet absolutely adorable –additions.

The afternoon fades, and as the group dwindles, the background music goes from new Disney to old-school Salt-n-Pepa. I’m looking out at the beautiful view of the sun setting and decide this is the perfect time to log on. Within two minutes flat, I’ve set up my next interview with a Mr. ‘T.’

We decide to meet up the next day at Dupont Circle and have the interview over Starbucks and Yogi Castle.

Alexander: With most of 2012 still ahead of us, what is your must-see concert of the year?

T: Ke$ha! She’s f**king fantastic! Every gay guy has his ‘diva vice,’ and I think Ke$ha is mine, especially since Lady Gaga and Katy Perry have gotten so political. They’re like, ‘Everybody is #1 and special,’ and that’s nice and all, but when I get to a club, I want something escapist. I don’t want to think about gay politics when I’m out drinking and dancing. Ke$ha doesn’t give a f**k. She just wants to be covered in glitter and get drunk, so she might be it.

Alexander: Straight out the gate with booze and glitter — I like it. What about dating, though? What would you say your best tip is?

T: It’s OK to ask someone what they do, but don’t judge them based on their answer. I feel like that’s what everyone does here [in D.C.]. People are kinda jerks. I mean, we all have jobs and careers, and it’s definitely part of our lives, but I feel like people miss out on very good, funny, decent people because they judge people too much from the start on perceived importance.

Alexander: I definitely think that’s good advice in this city. So advice aside, what about your most awkward first date?

T: This was on my first date ever, and you know when you go on a date with someone who just looks nothing like their picture? It’s them, but, like, some weird version of them. This was in Blacksburg, Va., where I went to school. He picks me up and takes me to see a movie, but the movie isn’t in Blacksburg. It’s in Roanoke [45 minutes away]. He takes me to go see “Phantom of the Opera,” which, if you know me, is the wrong choice. Long story short, I run into my ex-girlfriend’s best friend from high school in the theatre, going to see a musical with a dude. So naturally, I’m completely anxious the entire time. Not to mention this guy is totally not my type, so I already know it’s a lost cause.

Then, when we’re driving home, it starts snowing really hard. His car is overheating, and I’m sweating profusely as he’s telling me about his Kelly Clarkson blog as she’s blaring in the background. He then asks me to go home with him. I make some excuse about having to hang out with a friend, and he starts yelling, ‘What?! You told me you had the whole night set aside for our date! Stop being such a little b*tch!’ So he’s cussing me out, driving 90mph through the mountains in the snow with the car fishtailing, and I literally think I’m going to die. I’ve only recently gotten over feeling anxious when hearing Kelly Clarkson. I think I had Kelly Clarkson PTSD. I didn’t even go on another date for four months after that, I was so scarred.

Alexander: [dying laughing] Wow … that … um … is quite a story! Let’s say the date goes well, though, and you are interested. Where would you take a guy to impress him?

T: If I really like the person, my ideal first date would be a baseball game. I love baseball. You can go have dinner, it’s outside, you can have drinks, you can have a lot of conversation, and if it gets awkward, you can watch the game. I think it’s the perfect tempo for a date. You actually get to speak to the person, which is why I don’t really like movies or concerts. They’re terrible for first dates. Movies are for, like, a fourth date, on a Thursday, where you want to spend time with them but you don’t really want to put in the effort [laughs].

Alexander: Very true. What if we skip 20, 30 years ahead, and you’ve been elected president. What’s the first law you pass?

T: Well, I’m hoping the Employment Non-Discrimination Act will have been passed by this point, but if it hasn’t, that would be my first order of business. I had to deal with a bad experience when I first moved to the Washington area. I worked in Virginia at a law firm, and it was a very homophobic work environment. I complained to HR a couple times, and they didn’t care. Virginia doesn’t have protection laws for private employers. People were using ‘faggot’ and ‘gay’ on a daily basis — not towards me, necessarily, but someone did once ask me if I was ‘fruity.’ I complained about it, but it got nowhere, so I worked there for a year and left.

Alexander: Sorry to hear that, man. That’s rough. Now to lighten the mood, what does your obituary say?

T: ‘Woohoo!’ [laughs] No, hopefully that I accomplished something for human rights in general — not necessarily gay rights. I worked for a women’s rights organization before my current job, and I found it to be very rewarding. I would like to get back into activism once I get my degree. But also ‘Woohoo!’ — definitely.

Alexander: Who’s your greatest inspiration?

T: That’s tough. [Thinks about it.] My parents as a unit, actually, are a big inspiration for me. For them to be Baptist ministers and be so accepting, they really break the mold for a lot of stereotypes you would hold about people like that. I may not be very religious myself, but it’s just good to know that there are people that walk the walk and talk the talk. I love them both very much.

In terms of public figures, I feel like I’m waiting for my greatest inspiration, as terrible as that is to say. We need someone, especially in the gay community. There isn’t a central figure. I feel like in the ’90s, we lost an entire generation of activists and never quite got back to where we were.

Alexander: Interesting. So what makes your mouth water?

T: Eggs Chesapeake. It’s Eggs Benedict, but instead of Canadian bacon, it’s crab cakes. Wait … are we talking food?

Alexander: I haven’t specified.

T: I feel like all my friends make fun of me because all I do is eat. I just love eating! My friend always asks, ‘Which would you choose: true love or a personal chef with food for life?’ And I’ve got to say, it’s a really tough decision. Can you imagine? A personal chef for life, with the fixings?

***

A couple hours later, I met up with one of my girlfriends and her mother for a round of oysters and dirty martinis at Hank’s Oyster Bar. As I kicked back one shell after another, I just couldn’t shake what T had said earlier. You know, maybe oysters and martinis were my one true love after all.

Check out the latest installment of Grindrphiles over at Brightest Young Gays.

Like all good things in life, communicating on a mobile app requires a bit of strategizing. And even if you’re the best chatter out there, it’s always good to reflect on how you can improve. Here are a handful of tips that may help you in your quest to meet guys on Grindr.

Keep your options open. It’s simple: The more guys you talk to, the more guys you’ll meet. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Use the “Favorite” feature to your advantage; keep a lot of guys at the top of your cascade. Head to another part of town and check out the Grindr scene there. Not everybody will reply to you, but keep in mind that there are enough guys on Grindr that you’ll definitely find somebody to talk to — and eventually hang out with. There’s strength in numbers!

Come out of the gate with something better than just “Hi” or “Sup.” When it comes to icebreaker lines, you usually have a much better shot at getting a response from a guy if you compliment his photo or say something insightful about something he wrote in his profile text or stats. Alternatively, you can ask a not-too-personal question as an introduction. Either way, be unique. Distinguish yourself from the masses. Remember, if you really want something, make yourself stand out.

Talk to people like they’re people. Be as conversational as possible while you’re chatting. Be nice and be yourself. And be sure to double check your spelling and grammar! Oh, and don’t forget to throw in the occasional smiley or other flirtatious emoticon. It keeps things light.

Put your best face forward. For better or worse, your profile photo is probably your most important asset on Grindr. We know that lots of you like to throw the classic torso shot up to represent yourself. That’s fine, but if you really want to use the app to find a cool, quality guy to kick it with, you’re probably better off with a picture that at least includes your face in addition to your rockin’ chest and abs. A wise man once said that the eyes are the window to the soul, and when you meet someone you’re really attracted to in person, the eyes are often the most mesmerizing feature. Why should it be any different on Grindr?

Take it at your own pace. It’s cool to ask to meet up right there and then, but that approach might not work with everyone simply because some people are more shy than others. Generally speaking, a conversation starts on Grindr and continues on until both parties are comfortable enough to meet up for coffee, a drink, a hike, or whatever.

… and don’t forget: Grindr is supposed to be fun! It’s kind of like that board game “Life,” but far gayer and way cooler. Sometimes it can be a bit challenging, but every time you meet up with a guy and have a good time, you win. And you can do that as many times as you like! So don’t take it too seriously, and remember that there are new guys joining Grindr every day, so the game always stays fresh.

Have fun out there!